Superpowers and conditions

[PirateEggs]

But all the pain is exerted on you goes to your genitals.

Ability to understand females.

[Mearehear]

But is gay.

Ability to see deep into space from earth

[Sathias]

But everything you are looking at happened billions of years ago due to the amount of time the light took to reach earth

The ability to stop a man's heart with a mere thought

[Artful-dodgeR]

But you steal their soul and they live inside your head.

Super cool ability to grow your nails long.

[Anon. E. Moose]

Only your toe nails.

Can manipulate and control electricity

[Artful-dodgeR]

But it has to go through your genitals first.

Ability to go back in time 5 minutes.

[Anon. E. Moose]

You lose 5 minutes of your life every time you go back.

Can use your feet like hands.

[Ashigaru]

Sadly your hands are like feet.

Can shapeshift.

[Kremmen]

but only into a fat persons g-string


can walk through walls

[MuscularTeeth]

but if walking through a wall and you sneeze, then you are stuck.

The Ability to Reason with the insane.

[Tera]

But only because you yourself, are insane.

The ability to breath fire.

[Anon. E. Moose]

You also pee fire.

Super hearing

[Mearehear]

But your face is just an entire ear,

Super mega Ban Hammer powers on every internet forum

[Ralph Wiggum]

But no time to play games.

Clone any object you touch.

[SpEEd_NiNjA]

However said objects transform into homicidal mechanical beings who fixate on your demise.

Control the power of ice