As I'm writing this on a balmy Adelaide afternoon, it seems somehow surreal that just a few days ago we were in Melbourne, which lived up to its "Four seasons in one day" tag by putting on some decent weather, which quickly turned cold, and then to rain, and then to thunder in the space between getting out of bed and stumbling home again.

But - I digress. Melbourne, other than being a cold, somewhat damp and windy place, is also the place that was chosen as the location for the World Premiere of Episode 15 of the cult internet phenomenon known as Pure Pwnage, and that is why we were there.


The lineup, outside the theatre and in the lobby
As the taxi drove up to St Kilda's Astor Theatre, my travelling companions gasped audibly. Not at the building itself (which I must admit was rather impressive), but at the line-up waiting to go inside. Snaking around the block, there were bandannas, "i pwn n00bs" tops, Gamer Army t-shirts and more geeky paraphernalia than should ever be seen in the one location - especially in broad daylight.

Getting out of that pesky sunlight and into the nice dark building was a simple enough matter of exchanging email address for tickets, acquiring a name sticker (if you felt like admitting to everyone that you were, in fact, "0v3rk1LL"), and then wandering around, buying popcorn and such before heading into the main theatre.

The Assembled Masses

...now trust me. If you've ever watched an episode of Pure Pwnage, you'd know that main character Jeremy cuts a pretty striking figure at the best of times - now, imagine him projected onto a screen, two storeys high. This is no video you've downloaded to watch on your iPod, this is HUGE. Apparently I was the only person intimidated by it though, and the room quickly filled with gamer fans and friends - ranging in age from early teenagers up to middle-aged "grownups", all dressing pretty much alike in the uniform of black and camouflage, PP merch and other games-related clothing. We were surprised - although we shouldn't have been - at the amount of girls who were in attendance. Later discussions suggest that there were more girls at this launch than normal, which says something kinda cool about Australians.

Under the glow of the huge Jeremy screen, everyone took their seats (on a tip from a friend, we climbed to the balcony for a good view), and while they were waiting, a fair proportion soon created glows of their own, with mobile phones, DSs and even laptops being pulled from bags and turned on. (I don't know about these gamers, can't they go anywhere without their technology?)

Soon enough though, the houselights dimmed and one of the organisers took to the stage. He spoke for a few minutes about how we were all very excited to have the Episode 15 launch in Australia, and what an honour it was to have the boys here.

"I don't want them to be able to speak for two solid minutes when they get up here - I want you all to show them how happy you are that they're in town!"

Geoff and Jarett with their Australian flag

And, as gamers are good at following instructions, when Jarett and Geoff (probably better known as Jeremy and Kyle, respectively) were introduced to the stage, brandishing an Australian flag, they were welcomed with rapturous applause, whoops and calls, a standing ovation, cheers, foot-stomping and general celebration. If the Melbourne crowd didn't reach the two-minute mark, we gave it our best shot.

Eventually though, the crowd quietened to a dull roar, and the Canadians took the microphone. Highlights of Jarett's stage banter included two main points. Firstly - complaints about Australian Customs at the airport (technically, Customs were okay, it was the other people that were the problem). Secondly - how much they both love Australia (and Australians!) and wish they could spend more time down here.

A low point was explaining that there was, in fact, no merchandise for sale at the event. The story was something like... the stuff was packed in Texas and shipped to New York, where it stayed. It didn't get on a plane to Australia, it just decided that the Big Apple would be a great place for a holiday, so it was there, while everyone else was in Melbourne, with wallets full of cash. Oops.

Before we could get to the afternoon's scheduled entertainment, a bunch of local Gamer Army recruits (who obviously had no need to buy any more PP merchandise as they were wearing most of the catalogue between them) had a gift they wanted to present to the pair. Climbing the stage were a ragtag bunch of gamers, girls and boys, clutching a large inflatable kangaroo, which they handed to Jarett, with a short speech. His alter ego, teh_pwnerer shone through, and he proceeded to hump said kangaroo, to more rapturous applause. After that afternoon, I get the feeling Jarett Cale could stand on stage and not say a word, maybe even fall asleep, and people would still lap it up.

Australian Gamer Army

He did say a few words of thanks, as did Geoff, and then it was on with the show!
We had a Gamer Army singalong (complete with gorgeously choreographed game footage), Episode 13, Episode 14, Cooking with Dave (I've never seen a crowd of people so transfixed by a cooking show), and then... intermission.

A brief anecdote:
My travelling companion and I giggled that we were at perhaps the only social gathering in town where there would not be a line for the ladies' toilets - and we were right. Straight in, straight out, and all the girls we saw in passing giggled and commented about the lack of waiting time. I'm going to hang out with more nerds if this is going to be the case!

Anyway. Reassembling back in the theatre for the Main Event, Episode 15, Jarett and Geoff climbed onto the stage once more, and this time they did the usual call and response to find out what cities were representin' that day.

"Anyone here from... Adelaide?" ...and I cheered, because I'm proud of being a croweater. However, I forgot we were in Melbourne, and my cheer was quickly drowned out by the boos of the locals, much to the amusement of the pair on stage. Sydney didn't get anywhere near as much booing, maybe it's just jealousy?

The lights dimmed again and it was time for Episode 15.
...but I'm not going to tell you about because while it was one of their best episodes yet, you'll have to wait and watch it yourself.

The "lineup" waiting to get stuff signed. Jarett is in there, somewhere.

Instead, I'll tell you about afterward. Both Jarett and Geoff had said they would be available to sign "stuff" in the lobby after the show. Having been to events like this, we all assumed it would be a quiet, orderly affair, with desks and chairs and pens and lines of fans. Also having been to events like this, we decided we'd just hang around in our seats for a bit, because nothing was going to happen terribly quickly.

When we eventually did get up, we noted that Geoff was still in the main theatre in the middle of a group of fans, while we exited stage left, and wandered over to the balcony to look down at the lobby.

It was packed. To capacity. No lines, no desks, no orderly organised crowds. Instead, squinting into the distance we could just make out a tiny little Jarett head among the sea of people, signing arms and clothes and cameras and game controllers (and rumour has it, even breasts)... as well as pwning noobs in patented Jeremy style by rubbing their belongings (or even their heads) against his crotch. Mmm.

That's the kind of guys they are, really. Earlier that morning, a collection of Pure Pwnage forum members had organised a breakfast meet-up at a local pancake parlour. 9am, Saturday morning. It was intended as a place for fans to gather, to share stories and put faces to names before watching the episode premiere. Nobody expected Jarett and Geoff to waltz through the door to meet their adoring public, but that's just what happened. I had the chance to chat to some of the gamers afterward and they were nearly more excited about this breakfast catch-up than about the episode itself! Well, nearly...

Meanwhile, before the show, unbeknownst to everyone, the two Canadians snuck in through the back door and were hiding in the theatre office, glued to the security monitors. They were giggling, as they watched the room fill with gamers. As it kept filling, the giggles turned to genuine smiles, and by the time they wandered out to see the public, we had two very happy travellers, absolutely impressed by the turnout and the level of support they were getting Down Under.


My travelling companion Lux (from Good Game) and I, Geoff and Jarett on stage, and checking out the security monitors
I think, overall, everyone had a great day. I haven't seen so many happy gamers in one place for a while - and they were all, voluntarily, out of the house during the daytime. It seems that this phenomenon did not go unnoticed, however - before being let into the venue, the amassed crowd was heckled by a passing motorist. I'm serious - a St Kilda driver cruised past the waiting line, wound down his window and yelled out "Get a life, nerds!"

If having a life means doing laps in my hotted-up car, yelling at random passers-by? I think I'm happy at home, away from the harsh sunlight, with my PP DVD and soundtrack, wearing my dogtags, and hoping the boys come back soon.