A new generation of gaming about to arrive as the PC is finally released

Gaming PC

By on November 21, 2013 at 3:45 pm

Gamers across Australia and the world are queuing up tonight in anticipation of the midnight launch of the PC, the brand new gaming platform whose incredible graphics, online functionality, and flexibility herald a new generation in interactive entertainment.

PC gaming is powered by a revolutionary new state of the art “open hardware model”, where gamers can purchase whatever components they need for their current situation and install them on their own, all without voiding their warranties or needing any special proprietary tools, like those weird stupid triangle screws.

Speaking from her position in a five-thousand-deep queue outside her local computer store, PC Gaming Inc. president Amelia Videogames described the event as “a win for gamers”.

“PC gaming is just bloody great,” she said, grinning. “Bloody great.”

Experts analysing the launch of the PC say that it comes at a time when consoles have been dominating the marketplace, locking gamers into paying enormous prices for their titles and forcing them to use already outdated hardware.

“It’s a pivotal moment in the marketplace,” commented a spokesman for the video game market research company Data & Data. “The PC is now the only place to offer what more and more gamers are demanding: flexibility and choice in how they consume their entertainment.”

“The games are just @#$%ing cheap, too,” he concluded.

Excitement has been building about the PC’s forward-thinking backwards-compatibility features, with gamers able to use their PCs to play titles from five, ten, or even twenty years ago. Companies like GOG.com have announced that they will be supporting the PC when it launches, and will offer a huge back catalogue of classic titles at prices best described as “basically nothing”.

The PC has seemingly been in development for decades, and many gamers just can’t believe that it’s finally going to arrive. In preparation for the event, over 65 million users have registered accounts with Steam, an amazing digital delivery service that will allow PC gamers to purchase cheap games online and be part of a global community, as well as earn actual money for contributing their own creations to their favourite games.

Gabe Newell, lord of Valve Software and creator of the Steam platform, said that he was “very excited” to finally launch the PC.

“We saw what the consoles were doing with their TVs and their controllers and whatever,” said Newell to us, during a brief and unscheduled interview at a local supermarket. “So we developed Big Picture mode. We took the PC and we made it work on a TV with a controller.”

“Please, go away,” he muttered.

While critics have expressed concerns that the initial cost of buying a PC will be too high, PC Gaming Inc. were quick to point out that the technology is actually cheaper than ever, and that so many games on this yet-to-be-released platform will be bafflingly cheap, if not completely free to play.

“You can buy a stand-alone graphics card now that’s already more powerful than whatever is in those console things,” said Ms. Videogames to us. “It was only a matter of time until somebody realised that you could put those graphics cards into a case and make a PC out of it.”

Games like Team Fortress 2, Dota 2, Neverwinter, League of Legends and World of Tanks have announced that they will all be free-to-play when the PC launches, while others like World of Warcraft and Diablo 3 have revealed that they will be letting PC users play for free indefinitely until they choose to upgrade.

With only eight hours to go until the doors of local computers stores across the nation unlock and this magical gaming machine is finally unleashed to the public, many are already declaring that the PC is the only gaming system they will ever need.

Microsoft and Sony are understood to be working on new consoles, codenamed the “Xbox One” and the “PlayStation 4”, in anticipation of the PC’s launch.

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40 comments (Leave your own)

Nice article!

 

Meh, i’ll stick with my console.

 

PC is day 1 purchase for me. Decent amount of launch titles too.

 

Haha, love your work :D

 

Ive been waiting so long for the PC release… finally here! im gonna get 3! :D

 

*grabs umbrella to prepare for the incoming shit storm.*

 

ive always wanted one of those pc things, and now that they finally released …bought!!

you know you can do more than play games on these . imtold you can even browse the internet
thats soo awesome

 

A friend of mine was in the Beta testing of these so called “PC” systems.

He mentioned you could even hook up 2 or 3 monitors to them and do different stuff on each one, something he called “multi-tasking”.

I laughed in his face and called him a liar of course…

 

felixinside,

Two or THREE monitors?! The PC is evolving faster than I can keep up!

 

I just woke up from a nap and reading this article while half dazed was a really bad idea..

I completely freaked out wondering if I somehow woke up in an alternate reality or hell.

BAD TIM for scaring poor Tuxxy!

 
 

Wow, this thing sounds great! I heard you can do all sorts of exciting non-gamey type things on there too, if so I’m so going to have to get me one!

 

Do I have to have a gold subscription to access Facebook with it?

 

But fo srs, can u even watch TV on this “PC” thing?
XBONE: 1 PC: 0

 

very disappointed in the fact checking for this article. Can we get a link to Amelia Videogames’ company website, or at least some contact details? These claims seem a little far fetched, as does the line outside the local computer store.

I’d also like information on this Data & Data market research firm. As someone who works with research firms on a regular basis I’d like a little more assurance of their pedigree.

Also let’s point out that launches of any new hardware device are fraught with day 1 failures, patches and fixes to a buggy product. I highly doubt you could buy one of these “PCs” and use it straight away. What does “PC” stand for anyway? What if I want to watch TV on it? No feature list or anything.

I’ll stick to my Phony PlayStation thanks very much. This all sounds too good to be true.

Again Tim, you should really fact check this stuff more thoroughly in future.

 

… I love my ouya … Honestly the PC is my favourite platform because I know how to use it for so much more than just games and more importantly I know how to fix it when it breaks …

 

ashigaru,

I really hope you’re trolling…

Anyway excellent article, gave me a laugh!

 
clintonandjoanne

I have a mate going to the midnight launch to get his Xbox tonight. I Can’t wait until next year as I put my shiny new Occulus Rift on his head and say “sorry but you can’t have one of these”

 

games.onion.net

 

:) Nice article

 
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