Toby highlights a very common problem in today's FPS games.
By Toby McCasker on October 23, 2013 at 11:46 am
There is nothing so militarily immersive as stalking an online warzone, sight up – weapons hot, baby – scouring the smoking coals of recent skirmish scanning for any Tangoes that might not be down yet. You check a corner. Could be someone back there, could be no one.
Corners, man. They give me the willies.
That tense second passes and hey, it is definitely a someone. They come leaping and hollering out of the right angle of nervous bricks and shoot you dead, possibly with a headshot. Why? Because they’re jumping everywhere and it was almost by default damn. Immersion so busted: How many times you watch a war movie and seen a soldier and all his gear come pogo’ing all up at everyone like some kinda… pogo… gun… man?
Or – and this can be enjoyable ‘cos it’s so comical – those players who, in the middle of running away from your leaden assault on their heinies, proceed to jack rabbit everywhere under the misguided notion it makes a crapping difference. I shot you dead in the ass. Just accept it. Yes, yeeesss, feel the prostate exam burn of my rifle. It’s a happy time, but it’d be happier if I wasn’t locked in a grim battle for the streets of Paris with the worst Olympic hurdlers of all time. Oh my god stop jumping everywhere.
Can we put a stop to this? It’s silly. You’re carrying all these boomsticks and bombs and wearing body armour that lol, doesn’t do anything anyway but still, no one will be convinced by a dinosaur onesie – you can’t jump, son. Crouch and prone, yes, totally. Acceptable if not downright awesome. Catching some sick air off the lip of a killing field half-pipe? Please.
I would like to see it criminalised. Actually in very quick retrospect that is kind of extreme. How about we limit it? C’mon it won’t hurt. You don’t really need that jump button. At least not all the time. Look at the good it’s doing you. I’m still shooting you in your ass! You still dead, suckah!
I propose that every FPS developer ever heeds these words as written here today under the green lights of GoN and in the eyes of the young and the eyes of the slightly older who have no idea what I’m talking about ever: Let us make jumping a right, and not a choice. Like, contextual, say. When do you ever really need to get vertical? When there are obstacles to traverse like a badass, or when there is something to jump from.
Now change is uncomfortable. I know. I’m thinking the same thing: Will I feel weird? Yes. I’m a hypocrite myself, Jimmy. I reach for the jump button all the time. But if I stop and ask myself why, the only answer I’ve got is, “I have no idea.” It’s quickly followed by a shrug and the rationale of, “I have no idea what I’m doing.” Imagine, if you will, a shooty, shooty online world where hefty human killing machines do not leap through the everglades of certain death like fanciful deer.
I was very upset when Bambi’s mum died. I don’t want to keep reliving that scene whenever I shoot you in your ass.