Sitrep: Oh My God Just Stop Jumping Everywhere For Just One Second

Bunny Hopping Soldiers

By on October 23, 2013 at 11:46 am

There is nothing so militarily immersive as stalking an online warzone, sight up – weapons hot, baby – scouring the smoking coals of recent skirmish scanning for any Tangoes that might not be down yet. You check a corner. Could be someone back there, could be no one.

Corners, man. They give me the willies.

That tense second passes and hey, it is definitely a someone. They come leaping and hollering out of the right angle of nervous bricks and shoot you dead, possibly with a headshot. Why? Because they’re jumping everywhere and it was almost by default damn. Immersion so busted: How many times you watch a war movie and seen a soldier and all his gear come pogo’ing all up at everyone like some kinda… pogo… gun… man?

Or – and this can be enjoyable ‘cos it’s so comical – those players who, in the middle of running away from your leaden assault on their heinies, proceed to jack rabbit everywhere under the misguided notion it makes a crapping difference. I shot you dead in the ass. Just accept it. Yes, yeeesss, feel the prostate exam burn of my rifle. It’s a happy time, but it’d be happier if I wasn’t locked in a grim battle for the streets of Paris with the worst Olympic hurdlers of all time. Oh my god stop jumping everywhere.

Can we put a stop to this? It’s silly. You’re carrying all these boomsticks and bombs and wearing body armour that lol, doesn’t do anything anyway but still, no one will be convinced by a dinosaur onesie – you can’t jump, son. Crouch and prone, yes, totally. Acceptable if not downright awesome. Catching some sick air off the lip of a killing field half-pipe? Please.

I would like to see it criminalised. Actually in very quick retrospect that is kind of extreme. How about we limit it? C’mon it won’t hurt. You don’t really need that jump button. At least not all the time. Look at the good it’s doing you. I’m still shooting you in your ass! You still dead, suckah!

I propose that every FPS developer ever heeds these words as written here today under the green lights of GoN and in the eyes of the young and the eyes of the slightly older who have no idea what I’m talking about ever: Let us make jumping a right, and not a choice. Like, contextual, say. When do you ever really need to get vertical? When there are obstacles to traverse like a badass, or when there is something to jump from.

Now change is uncomfortable. I know. I’m thinking the same thing: Will I feel weird? Yes. I’m a hypocrite myself, Jimmy. I reach for the jump button all the time. But if I stop and ask myself why, the only answer I’ve got is, “I have no idea.” It’s quickly followed by a shrug and the rationale of, “I have no idea what I’m doing.” Imagine, if you will, a shooty, shooty online world where hefty human killing machines do not leap through the everglades of certain death like fanciful deer.

I was very upset when Bambi’s mum died. I don’t want to keep reliving that scene whenever I shoot you in your ass.

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29 comments (Leave your own)

Bulletstorm doesn’t have a jump button, it’s really strange to not have it.

I miss it when I can’t do it :(

 

ArmA too, although you can awkwardly vault instead.

 
Artful-dodgeR

100% agree with you, ban it from all FPS games, or at least heavily penalize based on movement.

 

maybe its just me, but that article was all types of ‘wtf’ and spelling + grammar mistakes :/

“Because they’re jumping everywhere and it was almost by default damn.”

 
Toby McCasker

sirgriggles,

I guess like my style is a blend of contemporary post-Thompson gonzo & drinking

 

Give your avatar stamina and have a chunk taken out of your stamina when you take to the air, like what S.T.A.L.K.E.R. does…

 
Nasty Wet Smear

I can attest that asking people to make a game more immersive by not jumping, flopping up and down, climbing on wire fences to jump up on glitched sheds ETC… Only makes them do it more often.

These days I just silently collect people who don’t do that on my friends list and then play with them… The same people… Over and over… And over and over… Till I wonder if I only imagined that there were other people in the world…

 

Just play the better FPS games and there is no jumping.

But if you play the arcade console type FPS then jumping is the least of your problems.

Nothing like playing BF3 or similar and hitting someone in the head to have them turn around and shoot you.

 
 
Toby McCasker

gammad,

Mate do you think this is a motherfreakin GAME?

…aw yeah guess. Carry on

 

I’m not 100% sure of the issue tbh.

I’ve been cooping BL2 with a friend, whenever he gets bogged down at a vending machine checking out gear (which happens frequently) I get bored and start jumping all over the scenery, seeing how high I can get. Probably not so great in the middle of a modern military shooter where it’s “realistic” (note quote marks) but it can’t be any less realistic than running around in circles around an enemy or rocket jumping over their head or something like that.

 
versatile_bfg

Bring back bunny hopping!!!! I miss it =( [CS:GO]

Jumping is fine.

 

jumping is for kids

now ass crawling , thats where its at :)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HI5fJI4CNjU

 

My goodness. I’ve been doing it wrong all this time…

 
NoobyMcNoobnoob

easy fix, man up, play a different game.

can you even think of playing quake multiplayer without bunnyhoppingrocketfun, unreal or tf2, it would be shite.

just do what it took bf2 about 5 years to do and give weapons a fireing block when jumping to prone constantly. the amount of deaths i suffered because of that patch was cut by 3/4 a game.

no matter what game you play there will always be people looking to exploit the engine, weather it be throguht clear wall .bmps or side to side aim resetting or bunnyhopping hitbox fun, or just a broken op weapon.

love it or leave it.

 

I totally agree that military shooters or anything that’s touted as ‘true to life’ should take out jumping cos it does ruin the immersion. There are games that it is necessary to have jumping like noobymcnoobnoob‘s suggestion of quake.

You probably despise Tribes :P.

 

I think @TOBY MCCASKER got Fragged and RAGE QUIT! :P

Harden up Princess.

 
Toby McCasker

narcarsiss,

PARTIAL TRUTHS! ALL PARTIAL TRUTHS

 

Yes, lets make the current movement standards even worse, great idea.

 

+1 for any game that tries to market even partial realism.

Quake, Tribes, TF2 etc make no pretense of realism, they are firmly in either the “tongue in cheek” variety or the “sci fi power armour technology explains everything” etc brand.

But any game that features a movement based bloom aim in a partial milsim style environment? No, jumping in to the the air, going prone, hitting zoom and headshotting someone at 5 feet should not be in there. Continuously porpoising across the map shouldn’t either…

But hey, if the devs are stupid enough to leave the ability for it to occur in, I won’t have a dummy spit about it. They are just playing the way the game allows, albeit looking like morons (and racking up great scores, like that matters… ;).

On the plus side, if you really want to avoid bunny hoppers and various other people suffering spastic contractions of their keyboard thumb, play Arma.

 
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