Magical Christmas land mode

A turn based combat mode where fights take place in a final fantasy-esq battle mode. You’re also able to coopt your friends crysis 3 characters into joining your team for any given battle. You gain a sword, level up a range of special stats and can only speak Japanese, except when you hit your opponent with a rare mace, at which point you start speaking Dwarvish.

There’s a twist though, at any given moment the enemy may challenge you to a dance off. Where you must test your skills against the most aggressive meme related dance content in the known universe.

Using the latest in Quantum Spacial Distortion technology your nanosuit alerts you to the location of more than 300 different kinds of alien scum. Use your hard earned skills to capture them all and battle against alien mercenaries to defend your home planet in glorious high definition.

Crysismon, I choose you!

The new call of cryfield-esque nanosuit mode, crymode, takes popular gameplay elements from today’s top FPS franchises and incorportates them into a new nanosuit mode, giving you the ultimate advantage on the cryfield… even when you suck.

Activating crymode grants the following benefits;

Hitbox Hero – Expands enemy hitboxes, enabling higher accuracies, regardless of skill.

Lag compensator – Nano-weapon barrel attachment, giving you the ability to hit enemies that have recently taken cover.

Cypression – For those times when you miss, you’ll still get the kill.

Crystreaks – Grants deathstreaks, which also synergise with killstreaks, granting more dynamic streaks… of streaks.

Nanospawn System – Insert behind enemy lines, for the element of surprise.

Improved Nanosuit attachments. As with weapon attachments, all attachments unlock at rank 1000, achieved via the crystiege system.

Crylog Access – History log containing nothing but your Kill / Death ratio.

Also known as the “birthday suit”, this unorthodox mode was originally the result of a practical joke during the Nanosuit’s development process. While functionally similar to the more familiar Cloak mode, it instead cloaks only the suit itself. While initially dismissed as a crude party trick, subsequent investigation and live testing by a (rumored to be rather perverted) military psychologist has revealed a number of adverse reactions to the activation of the the birthday suit by those in the immediate area – almost all of which result in tactically advantageous scenarios for the activator.

Observed reactions included temporary shock resulting in paralysis, the sudden and uncontrollable urge to vacate the immediate area (we continue to investigate the use of this technology for area-denial applications) and, dependant on the wearer of the suit, occasional strong manifestations of nausea leading to explosive expulsion of stomach contents.

This mode transforms you into Australia’s least favourite person: Julia Gillard. Charge into battle, whilst distracting your enemies with your stunted speech. Annoy your foes with the ability to drone on about nothing for hours. Impede your adversaries’ progress by placing taxes on absolutely everything. Not very powerful but extremely irritating: Gillard Mode will make even the most hardened foes ragequit.

Gillard Mode. Coming soon. If we can afford the tax.

Centrelink Mode:

Ever wanted to be able to control a rampaging horde? Ever felt the need to storm the enemy with hundreds of allies? Well, Centrelink Mode is the thing for you. Simply beam in a Centrelink building and watch the fun unfold. Instantly, hundreds of drunk, disorderly bogans will storm towards the building, smashing anything in their path. This angry mob, hell-bent on collecting their benefits, will annihilate anything that stands between them and their money.

The Premium PC Edition comes with a Crysis 3 Virtual Reality Helmet. Codenamed as V.R.H, this new piece of technology allows the player to control the character with their mind. It stimulates the senses of the player by using electrodes in the helmet to send signals to the brain. This gives the player the enhanced experience of the Crysis world, as the player is able to see, hear, touch and smell the dynamic environment and NPCs.

Step into the shoes of a Nano-suit soldier today!

Just simply plug in the USB device and it will automatically install.
Only available on Windows 7&8 operating systems.

Due to health and liability concerns we have removed the option of enabling pain.

Engage this suit system and become the thing your enemies most fear. A intimidating machine of smart quips that will leave any enemy within ear shot stunned. The suit will automatically detect when you have made a kill and unleash a line to make Arnie proud. This has the effect of paralyzing all weak willed enemies nearby, unless they are strong enough to make an equally brain melting come-back. Most enemies will be stunned for only a brief time, however any nearby action fan will be reduced to a quivering, giggling boy. In some cases going on to repeat your quip to their friends and spreading the stunning effect beyond initial earshot.

So next time you encounter a squad of enemies, make sure you engage the Charasmatic Action man mode

The first form puts you in charge of the entire Essendon Football Team squad. With suspicious hormones coursing through their veins, this team of not very deadly footballers is a fantastic distraction, enabling your allies to attack the enemy while they’re distracted by the steroidal muscles of the football team. The secondary function sends the entire Collingwood fanbase (yes, all 6 of them) charging towards the enemy, yelling insults and throwing broken bottles of alcohol. Sent into battle by the Australian Government purely to rid the country of them, this deadly force of sexagenarians will annihilate the enemy, gnawing on their limbs with gummy mouths, and bashing anyone in their path. Simply place a mobile Centrelink near to where you want the squad to attack, and Bob’s your uncle. Unless you’re a Collingwood supporter, in which case Bob’s probably your cousin too. And your dad.

yeah thx, same to you

Back in 2007, Crytek brought you the revolutionary Crysis. While it was critically received, it has started to show signs of aging. In light of this, we at Crytek are proud to announce that a Crysis reboot is in production.

Running on CryEngine 4, Crysis will reunite the Nanosuit with a young but angsty Nomad. With your sharp wit and customisable hair, you’ll fight your way through the jungle, this time with a new Nanosuit mode – Maximum Shine.

Utilising Maximum Shine, Nomad can boost the environments graphics for a short time, causing even NPCs to lag. The power can then be harnessed to cause them to crash, rage or even time out. If your PC is powerful enough, it’s then simply a matter of targeting the glitching NPCS.

Crysis the reboot – coming winter 2014.

YEYEYEYEYEYEYE!!!!!!!!!!!!!

When activated allows you to dive blindly in to the over grown jungle, infested with alien critters, and grab them by the tails with your bare hands.

THAT’S LIVE ACTION !!!

The suit becomes a vastly powerful force of fertility. Every projectile fired has the ability to impregnate the enemy whether it’s man, woman, animal… just don’t ask what the projectiles are.

Additionally, the suit sprouts a dozen nipples (additional nipples can be obtained if you order now with your credit card – that’s right, an extra dozen nipples for 6 monthly credit card payments of only $19.95!). These nipples are used to care for all the newborn you’ll no doubt be raising.

Once these newborn hybrid monsters reach adulthood (which takes three weeks due to the extra succulent nipples secreting an ooze consisting of spinach, nuts and raw steak), you’ll have an army to take over the world.

Much like gremlins, I recommend not feeding them after midnight because frankly, it’ll mess up their sleep cycles and nobody likes a sleepy, cranky army of destruction.

The latest nano-suit update upgrades its biomedical package: not only does the suit provide rapid healing, but now also unlocks a new operating mode: Maximum Focus. This is intended as the damage enhancing mode, which has so far been missing. When activated, the nano-suit will pump a cocktail of stimulants and reflex enhancing chemicals into the user’s bloodstream, greatly accelerating their reaction time and improving their visual and auditory perception.

While active, the user can use a “slow-time” mechanic for combat advantage (limited use, rechargable), and also allows them to see enemies through cover and even out of LOS – enemies in the rear / side arc show up on the minimap.

In multiplayer, instead of the time slowing effect, the user’s projectile weapons gain an accuracy boost (some misses becomes hits, while some hits become headshots).

Wow best suggestion yet!!!

The main game will be released to you in parts. At first you have no nano suit, download the DLC for $5.95. No weapons? DLC weapons $2.95 No textures? DLC it! for 5.95. No enemies? DLC it for $3.95! No .exe file…damnit my man, you know the drill …DLC it! After every stage or series of stages your gear becomes obsolete and you must pay $1.95 for the next stage, but of course you must re-purchase weapons and the nano-suit for $5.95. After which you have to upgrade your gear after each stage for $2.95. What is a stage? DLC it baby!

Pwn the competition and your hunger.