Did you win? I didn't win. Maybe you won?
By Tim Colwill on February 8, 2013 at 6:39 pm
Did you enter our massive Aliens: Colonial Marines PC Collectors Edition Giveaway? No? Why not! In any case, there’s no time for recriminations. The competition is closed, but with 164 entries, judging was bound to take a while — so without any further ado, we present to you the ten worthy winners of this competition. Take a look inside!
New prototype weapons for the Colonial Marines
The Weyland-Yutani Executive Executioner Android (WYEEA – pronounced WEEEEYEEEAAAAAAA). Immediately terminating any Weyland-Yutani executive within 5km of an xenomorph nest has been shown to reduce the chance of xenomorphs being captured and then accidentally released in a failed bio weapons program by as much as 96%. This has been found to save more Colonial Marine casualties than any conceivable weapon directed at the xenomorphs themselves.
USCM Weapons (experimental) Division introduces the M42A3 “Sharp Stick” Xenomorph Protection Device. Made from hardened Nano SteelTM (Weylan Yutani Bio Weapons Div.) is effectively a biomolecular acid proof bayonet, suitable for mounting upon M41A1 Pulse Rifles and other USCM rifles. No longer are Marines forced to expend ammo in an “eat this!” scenario. Simply place the muzzle of your weapon into any Xenomorph orrifice and release the trigger mechanism flinging 2 feet of “Sharp Stick” into the target. The 700 fpm extension speed will crush and pulverise any Xeno armour with ease and the retraction cleaning mechanism also keeps that pesky acid away from your face. Available now! Purchase today and keep it handy for close encounters!
The Soda Bomb is a small projectile containing large quantities of compressed rapid-expanding foam mixed with baking soda. When fired, it embeds itself into Xenomorph dermal tissue and pumps its contents into the target’s body. The foam will expand almost immediately within the body cavity causing massive swelling and internal organ and dermal tissue rupturing, while the baking soda simultaneously neutralises the acidic blood. Picture stepping on an overfilled custard doughnut. The foam then hardens rapidly, rendering target almost completely immobile should initial effects prove non-fatal, allowing significantly decreasing risks to personnel as they carry out additional termination procedures.
WL-Y Mag-net Launcher Mk2: After horrible design flaws of the Mk1, such as missing the magnet components and being as strong as a wet paper bag, The Mag-net launcher is back with vengeance!
Designed with safety of captives in mind, and not much of a budget to work with, the new Mag-net launcher Mk2 comes with all the features you need to capture xenomorphs for your warfare needs without removing all their limbs and getting acid everywhere. By simply firing a remotely detonated net with magnetic seals, any xeno caught in your firing line will be pinned to the stations wall so fast you won’t have time to say “Ease down Ripley!” Of course, how you get it home is your problem. Not ours.
“Because giving Weyland-Yutani employees a weapon to capture more xenomorphs is a bright idea right?”
*Stock, trigger and ammunition not included.
M9000 sUnglasses. Direct from Weyland industries… putting the Sun in U…
These special glasses come with built in quip launchers so that all your sarcastic and pun filled lines can be delivered with ease. Try putting them on then delivering the line…it really works! Xenomorphs will simply explode with your wit! Their one weakness is a well delivered pun! Not only do they look cool they are also effective and blocking out the nasty weapon flashes from various weapons. Try combined with the flame thrower. The built in fans will keep your forehead lovely and cool while toasting Xenomorphs.
(c) Weyland Industries, batteries not included. Warning: extended use may result in own television show and memes, you’re THAT cool…
New breeds of xenomorph
A ventriloquist xeno that can quickly adapt to the acoustic environment of any space. It utilises its environment to reflect confusing or disorienting sounds. For example a marine might hear the sound of his friends beeping motion detector behind him when he is actually long deceased. or the scream of a xeno behind him at all times.
Enormous Wounded Xeno. A giant heavily wounded alien, bleeding all over the place, which just crawls around bleeding everywhere, corroding everything with its highly acidic blood. Especially dangerous on military installations, it slowly dissolves structures, until occupants have no defensive advantage.
When the Enormous Wounded Xeno comes into contact with hostiles, it bleeds so hard that jets of blood spray out in every direction and when killed, bleeds even more than before. Like if you burst an above-ground pool. The Enormous Wounded Xeno is also the first Xenomorph to exhibit emotion, which takes the form of bleeding a lot.
The Hateomorph. A tiny but very vicious xenomorph breed that jumps on the hand of unaware Marines like a facehugger would jump on your face. Once it has its victim in its glovelive grasp, it will force him to log into the forums where all the cool Colonial Marines hang out (like GON) and post hater comments about how Marines are just ripped off from WH40k or even Starcraft.
If you look carefully, you might sometimes spot screams for help (in very tiny letters) hidden in their posts. Though the hateomorph will immediately edit them out if he notices them.
A new xenomorph: After “impregnation” by a face hugger this xeno, instead of killing its victim, acts as an advanced parasitic symbiote. The xeno grows inside the marine, quickly taking over the brain, absorbing all the memories, skills, mannerisms etc. The host cant survive without the xeno now, all organs of the body are entwined and synced with each other, body and soul the host has become a slave.. a unique appendage from the xeno comes out of the hosts mouth to “impregnate” other unfortunate victims, therefore becoming self sustaining away from the hive. this xeno can covertly destroy an entire platoon of marines from the inside out, towards the end the remaining marines wont know who is friend or foe..
Re: Research station 72a
New Xenomorph classification
Communication has been lost, previous Colonial Marine Recovery teams have failed to contain the situation sufficiently. Scientists of the facility were using Xenomorph DNA as a means to recreate extinct species of animals. Routine reports stopped shortly after a breakthrough. Remote access of security systems revealed a cause; Xenomorphs, seemingly crossbred with dinosaurs. Many species were identified; large, dangerous creatures, more impervious to weapons while appearing to retain their cruel intelligence.
Of alarm was a pteranodon-xenomorph hybrid, aloft on leathery wings, it’s long arms adorned with vast talons and a beak lined with vicious teeth. From upon high it dives upon it’s prey at phenomenal speeds. Telemetry indicates that the motion sensors are ineffective at early warning for it’s attacks. Extreme caution is advised when entering areas, particularly open areas, known to host this xenomorph.
Thanks to everyone who entered, and thanks to SEGA and Gearbox for supplying the prizes! Winners, please check your forum PMs very shortly for a message from me so I can grab your details. Thanks again, everybody!