Sitrep: The Worst Laid Plans Are The Best Plans Ever in Far Cry 3

Far Cry 3

By on December 13, 2012 at 1:13 am

I don’t always stay up playing games ‘til 4am, but when I do, it’s because I’m playing Far Cry 3 and things have gone horribly wrong. I’m hesitant to use a jerk-off clinical buzzword here, but the emergent gameplay in this thing is awesome. Seriously. I remember its preamble: No two encounters are ever the same. Sure, sure, I thought. Heard that before. All encounters were subsequently the same except people got shot in varying orders and I died in ever more embarrassing ways. Yawn.

Not yawn. Absolute truth in this case. There are a lot of reasons Far Cry 3 has really gotten its claws into me – sometimes literally – but the biggest is this: When things go wrong, they go brilliantly. I’m an anarchist at heart. I derive immense joy from the sudden eruption of chaos and confusion, so long as nobody actually gets hurt. Someone knocking over some other guy’s beer and then that guy getting mad at the wrong person and that wrong person’s girlfriend suddenly vomiting and then a light fixture falls down. Spoiler: I’m the guy who accidentally [*citation needed] elbowed over the beer.

In Far Cry 3 I am the most profoundly dumbass trickster god of all time. How often have you sleuthed your way through the bushes, expertly camera’d up all the goons in that base, and initiated Glorious Master Stealth Protocol #999 only to have the slightest thing absolutely derail your efforts and all of a sudden the entire jungle is on fire and a tiger is loose? My answer is: lol always. I don’t think I’ve ever successfully infiltrated anything. I am a bumbling oaf laden with automatic weapons and explosives and a flare gun, for some reason. Wait, I know the reason: Hilarity. Pizz-ow.

Even better: Sometimes it’s not even about the goons and their bases. A lot of people on Rook Island have problems, and I seem to excel at making them worse. A great deal of these problems involve broken down cars. One time I’d just decided to take the repair torch thing out for a spin and I was busy skiing up and down a grassy knoll when I chanced upon a guy and the smoke sizzling from under the bonnet of his Ford Laser or whatever at the bottom of it. Let me stress: This knoll was very grassy.

“Help me out bro,” he said, or something. It just so happens I was out taking my repair torch thing for a spin that day! The number of times I’d hooned past befuddled Maoris and their junked rides without being able to help was a lot, so I thought, I can make amends here.

“Step aside,” I told this guy without saying it, and got to work waving miraculous car-healing blue fire on his side mirror. This guy starts screaming, like, I thought I was doing something wrong. How am I meant to know? I’ve never repaired an entire car by blasting a side mirror with fire before. I look up and he’s on fire. The entire grassy knoll is on fire. The car, is on fire. I’m also on fire. My love for Far Cry 3 is the most fiery of them all.

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15 comments (Leave your own)

I won’t soon forget the first time I ran into a molotov guy. I thought he was just a drunk pirate. There were some very unexpected results when I tried to stealthily take him out with a silenced pistol.

… about 20 seconds later half the place was on fire, along with most of its inhabitants. I was too amused to care that I had completely screwed up my attempt at taking over an outpost without being detected.


My screw ups isn’t with fire but the fact that my rock throw and grenade throw buttons are right next to each other on my mouse.

I’ve lost count at how many times I’ve accidentally pulled the pin on a gren and held onto it thinking I was actually holding on to a rock to throw as a distraction only to realise at that last second that the “rock” I was holding onto was ticking…

Funniest was realising at the last moment, panicking and throwing the gren straight up and trying to run away only to have it kill the 2 guys on the balcony above me and then me just as I took over the outpost. Then trying to convince myself that “I totally meant to do that!”


For me most of the time my plans come undone due to the animals! I can spend all the time in the world preparing and planning out how I will take that outpost, or whatever scenario I have decided upon, and just as I am pulling the trigger for the first planned shot that will set the chain of events happening, a komodo dragon or pig will come out of no where attacking me at the most inopportune moment, meaning I have to fight off that and the hornets nest of pirate activity that I have just brought to life!


I had a few things go bad for me, especially on the first island. By the time I got to the second however, not so much. I became a scruffy jock killing machine, wiping out bases with nary a sound made by my many, many victims. Even with all the heavies around, the second island, with the access to the better weapons, is much, much easier.


I found an intersection on the south island where several AI vehicle patrol paths met – had taken over one of the nearby outposts but not the others – so sat at that intersection for a good 20 minutes watching the epic battles between the few armoured bad guys vs the rag-clad zerg blue guys :D


I am so confused. Myself and my friends around me are all very disappointed in FC3. I eagerly waited watching every video and reading press releases to be left with a yuk feeling and truly liking FC2 better. FC2 had its problems definitely (like the outposts) which FC3 have fixed, but there is so many things wrong with FC3 it was ruined by the end.

The story was good, gun mechanics good, the rpg elements were bleh since I unlocked every skill in it, the money system was beyond retarded as I dont think i really spend any money and spent the majority of the game with ‘wallet full craft blah blah’ and i was already full crafted, oh and the crafting system, not to mention the god awful menu which drove me nuts, the inability to bind kp_enter was really bad as that is usually jump for me, the world really wasnt that interesting – it was mostly grass land with a few really boring indoor areas, story line was awesome and so was the voice acting A+++ there, the ending (either one) was questionable, the side missions were god awful and I question to even be there,, but the thing that really got me was the loading screen- that same friggin ambient sound interupting any kinda tension or pacing which had been established. <-That's what really killed this game for me.

Honestly not trolling or flaming or whatever forum words I dont know.. I feel like i must be missing something!



“Fuck, Friends, Lick, Mom.”

Dat loading screen…


I tend to have a mix of loud and silent weapons, but I long gave up doing the stealth thing. Firstly it was too easy. Secondly creating madness is so much more fun, especially when the reinforcements are a bloody chopper :D

Though I am disappointed by the contrived, keep animal in cage crap, I do enjoy running a pair of chasing Tigers into a camp and watching them let loose. Trick is to use the animal repellant at JUST the right time that you don’t lose ya balls to them…


I can’t get the tigers to follow me… am trying to clear a checkpoint and there’s two of the heavy dudes there and all I have is a silenced sniper and my recurve bow.


Murray Hibble,

Then you have a serious problem. Haven’t done the hunting for extra weapons and gear, I take it?

All right, then in that case – use the silenced rifle, aim for the back of the head. Work your way around the position, shoot twice, relocate, wait for them to search, reposition yourself, shoot twice, relocate, repeat.

Will take a while. But you’ll win.


Total agree with the anarchy in this game. I was driving along to my next mission when i got run of the road by the bad guys, and my car started rolling down the embankment and then the car caught fire, so I jumped out and immediately got attacked and killed by a bear ! I’ve never laughed so hard after dying.


I got bored, because with a silenced bolt action sniper rifle, you can clear a base without anyone even getting a whiff of your scent. Admittedly, I didn’t get bored until after I completed the main story + every side mission on the first island. Time to mix things up with loud weapons on the second island!


I’m still discovering the game after having only put about 3 or so hours in last night. Funniest moment for me so far is getting ambushed by a tiger and having to put an entire ak clip into him, then proceed to run into the outpost to discover that… I have no ammo left. Queue scene of me throwing C4 det packs all over the place trying to blow up the bad guys as they run after me. I got about half of them before I died :B

James Pinnell

I got bored, because with a silenced bolt action sniper rifle, you can clear a base without anyone even getting a whiff of your scent. Admittedly, I didn’t get bored until after I completed the main story + every side mission on the first island. Time to mix things up with loud weapons on the second island!

What’s much less boring is doing the same thing with a knife.


James Pinnell,

All knife, all the time.

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