It’s Halloween and although it’s an American thing and we’re Australian and blah blah it is also extremely cool. Just now I saw Harley Quinn and Elvira totally making out on the train home. I’m not one for dress-ups — being that I already look a bit like Satan — so to get into the malevolent spirit of things I thought I’d play Resident Evil 6. It’s not out on the PC yet, of course. Next year, I think. Capcom don’t want another Resident Evil 4 debacle on their hands, so the PS3 it has to be.
Which is fitting, because the original Resident Evil - waaay back in ‘96, gawd, my arthritis – was one of the first games I got for my PSX. Instant and enduring love. Also instant hilarity. For those who have never:
I know, right? I followed the franchise with absolutely relish, with the aforementioned Resident Evil 4 proving to be my absolute favourite if only because I kept it Sony and did the PS2 thang. Resident Evil 5 didn’t really inflate my dinghy, being more awkward shooter than anything else, but advance word of Resident Evil 6 looked pretty sweet. Scary, even. Still no hi-lair FMV intro with Blood Type statistics, but I’m relatively easygoing and it’s okay they never read my letters. Written in blood. Stamped in scalp. Maybe including the phrase “…or I’ll find you.”
Not only is Resident Evil 6 not scary, it’s loathsome to play. It really is. The only thing keeping me going right now is pure nostalgia. I just don’t get what kind of chronic Capcom are passing around the office over there. Is weed even a thing in Japan? They want to do something else with the series — what they think the majority must want, maybe — than what the fans actually do want. The resultant compromise is a clash of methodology that couldn’t work any less.
What we end up with is a full-bore shooter that doesn’t give you any ammo. The former is where Cappers think the money’s at, and the latter has long been a staple of the series at large ever since its inception. You know, conserve your bulletage and go easy on your pain-relieving green herbs, you never know what’s gonna go down.
Thing is, everything is going down in Resident Evil 6, all the time. I make the optimistic choice – the so-called “classic” choice – and pick Leon’s scenario to start with. It’s supposed to be the mood to Chris Redfield’s mayhem. Even here, the frequent combat sitches aren’t built to be run away from (you end up having to at least try, because you just have nothing left to shoot with). You get hit for loads of damage all the time as a result, with bugger-all potted ganja to go around. If Helena wasn’t on hand to stab your heart with a Pulp Fiction death antidote, you’d get nowhere, faster. Happy Halloween. This year’s candy tastes like butt.